For a while now I’ve wanted to swim far out into the ocean at La Jolla Cove. I’ve snorkeled and kayaked there plenty of times. People come from all over to swim across the underwater canyon, as far as the pier in La jolla shores – a distance that’s at least a mile long. In early fall I’ve even gone swimming near the shore by the harmless, bottom-feeding, leopard sharks that come out once a year to breed – it’s a big, tourist attraction.
Today I had a good opportunity and finally did my first open water swim – a 1/4 mile out and 1/4 mile back out. These women offered to escort me out there before doing their longer swim. Although the little kid in me who’s been fascinated with sharks and whales all her life was freaked, I knew this was it: I put on a pair of goggles, dove in, and paddled out under the afternoon sun.
My fellow swimmers said their first time going out their hearts beat so fast, it was hard to get into a swing. it’s a completely different environment out there in the open ocean compared to a swimming pool. This is true; although the surf was mellow, my breath worked hard to catch up with my body. Sometimes I just did a backstroke or paddled slow taking my time, dodging the seaweed reaching to meet me from far, far below. A little while past the kids and people snorkeling around the cove, we were far out and on our way. All I could see beyond the clear depths below me were legs and arms pushing through and leading me nearby.
When I met David Williams, who’s primarily responsible for bringing Ashtanga yoga to the states, he told me he goes swimming in Maui almost every day. I don’t know that I could do that there, it’s tiger shark territory. Although he’s never encountered one, locals tell him, “they’ve seen you!”
In California, the most I’ve seen swimming were little fish, though I’ve heard one can see big rays – their wings flapping below the surface. My new friends even mentioned seeing a fin cruise by them sometime ago. Was it a dolphin? A shark? They weren’t sure, but they soon turned back towards the shore and called it a day.
It’s funny, this thing called fear. It comes in disguise and uninvited, swallowing you up like the ocean if you let it. It won’t let you wet your toes; you just have to face it when you’re ready. You have to learn to tame it and see through it- it’s murky out there.
For the best hour of my day today, I feel I’ve conquered it. I use my muscles and bones to move across waves, immersed in my own strength. I come up for air squinting under sunny skies and see pelicans slide across the landscape. Then I turn back to check out the coast, much smaller now, and see how far I’ve gotten. I’m in the present and that’s all that matters.
I am blessed in this body. Blessed to feel nothing but grateful and alive.
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